they never told me what to do
it was all between the lines anyway
childgirlwoman where to start
later i wrote my own lines
one letter then another some lost
but enough to spell
a life
june 1994
.
autumn leaves drift and dance
i walk through dry shadows
that the breeze remembers
june 1994
.
fragile lashings hold together dry sticks
of old dwellings
built for ancient griefs
now forgotten
june 1994
.
you see i got to the heart of it once
when very young and the conceit
has stayed with me
scratching and scribbling
writing in the dust
painting on vellum
with color so bright
it makes your eyes ache
surely the center is close by
waiting to be found again
june 1994
.
freedom i said but she couldn’t see that
if it meant alone
no solace in alone she said
keeping company with the world
but no one beside you on the sofa
to keep the world away
june 1994
.
thinned branches from the winter plum tree
supple gray switches
to bundle and leave for trash
but i wove a trellis
for the summer vines to grow on
and thought of some old woman
who did the same
long ago
august 1994
.
he doesn’t like dirt much at all
it cradles boulders and lays down mountains
with help from rushes and cascades of water
and that kind of dirt is alright
it is almost invisible
it is the other kind
that irritates him
needing to be composted and mulched
and coddled when after all
it is just dirt
clinging to fresh dug potatoes
august 1994
.
changes
a man perhaps a friend
he lives alone
not young but not old either and
has always cared for himself
has always done right and lived the austere and logical life
of the mind and the strenuous life
of the body and he spoke quite suddenly to us
not with his dry and daily voice
he spoke to us
of a few days before
of a terrible pain he had had
deep in his gut
so that he called out and fell to the floor
alone
he could not move
alone
he was afraid
although he did not say that word
i heard it anyway
the pain receded
he called a doctor
his life went on as before
we moved toward the canapes and
filled our glasses with wine
and talked of other things
old souls are born that way or so i have heard
i say to myself you have always known the beginning and the end
i say to myself you will not be afraid
to grow infirm
i say to myself you will not be afraid
of personal death
the end of me
someday
september 1994
.
circles in the dark
closed inside my mind
i see a door
who can say it leads out
or in
or whether it is a door at all
still it is there
the shape of it
says exit
the shape of it
says enter
with no handle
or hinges that move one way
or the other
who can say it leads out
or in
or whether it is a door at all
if there is a lock
where is the hand to hold the key
if there is a key
or if it leads out
or in
or whether it is a door
at all
september 1994